Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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