she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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