i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
