2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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