everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
