I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
