Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
