yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
