I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
