u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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