break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
