you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
