god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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