once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When are your genitals available?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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