Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
