My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
