He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
