how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
