They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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