Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
