I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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