i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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