Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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