We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
