I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
