....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
