Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
