I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
