Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
