I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
