Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
