Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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