Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
