There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
