TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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