I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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