I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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