paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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