..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
