You can't special order awesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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