So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
