the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
