Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
