all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
