I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
