When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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