he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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