True but thats because hes a fetus.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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