and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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