Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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