Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
