And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
