U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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