i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
