dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
