I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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