He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How does one acquire holy water?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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