dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Damn victory sex feels great
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