I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sext me about skeletons
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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