so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
