i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
a search helicopter?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
