You're my little dorito
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
