I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
