I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
