I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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