We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
where am i from again
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize