i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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