I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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