I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
