Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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