god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
